Chapter Fifty-One: Futile

"I started reading books with my grandfather when I was three years old, and he was the one who personally guided me in my early enlightenment. I understood nothing back then, and looking back now, even my memories have grown somewhat hazy."

"I spent several years with my grandfather, but I was simply too young to remember what books I read. Yet, I have always remembered one thing he said: 'Every thought and impulse that brings no benefit to others must be strictly guarded against and never allowed to rise.'"

"At first, I thought this was merely a guideline for scholarship. When the mind is tranquil, reading and discussing the Way indeed allows one to achieve twice the result with half the effort."

Ke Mingxu smiled slightly. "My childhood was not nearly as colorful as the little princess's is now. I was born into a family of prominent officials, and it was not just me; every single one of my brothers lived the same way."

Jinghu felt a sudden, inexplicable sense of sorrow. "Lord Ke, you must have been very unhappy back then, weren't you?" Just imagining it made happiness seem impossible. Being confined to a study every day reciting archaic texts—she would rather have died.

He shook his head instead. "If one has never known any life other than that, how could one possibly feel it was a hardship?"

"It was only when I went south to Jiangnan and saw how my maternal cousins lived every day, and compared it with my own life, that I understood the difference. Although the Xie family is also a renowned clan steeped in poetry, rites, and etiquette, they do not regard attaining official rank as their primary pursuit."

"However, I am not merely speaking in my own defense; truthfully, I never felt it to be bitter. The joy of studying literature and understanding propriety remains endless to me."

It was rare for him to be in such a conversational mood today. Jinghu rested her chin on her hand, listening to him with rapt attention.

"When I was eight, I became a student under my current teacher and entered the Pine Stone Academy. I originally thought that a teacher with five cartloads of learning would be as rigid and severe as my grandfather, but it turned out not to be the case."

"Aside from guiding my studies, he often took me out into the world to experience the warmth and coldness of human sentiments. The saying 'A thorough understanding of human relationships is true learning' has also become a golden rule for me."

"As I walked further and encountered more people and events, there were inevitably times when my emotions were stirred and became difficult to restrain."

"In all those numerous moments, I suddenly realized that the phrase 'Every thought and impulse that brings no benefit to others' is actually a guideline for how to conduct oneself. Vast as the world is, nothing is greater than the human heart. To be able to seek inner tranquility is truly the best thing of all."

Jinghu half-understood, yet also failed to fully grasp his meaning. But she knew that, as far as he was concerned, she was probably the one constantly disrupting his tranquility.

Even if things were fine at the moment, if she wished to become his wife in the future, it would be impossible for her to let him maintain such tranquility.

***

Would he find her annoying for constantly clinging to him?

"It is my fault for rambling on about such tedious matters; the little princess must be feeling sleepy."

He wondered why he had suddenly begun speaking of such things to her. To read and study the ways of the sages did not exhaust him. What exhausted him was that while there were so many people in this world who read books and understood propriety, the most shameless among them were often these very same people.

In the tenth year of Zhaoyong, the Emperor had already resolved to tame the floods that overflowed year after year. Appointed as the Director-General of the Yellow River Conservancy was Zhang Zhiqing, the younger brother of the newly deposed Empress Zhang.

The imperial court and the inner palace were inextricably linked. In the tenth year of Zhaoyong, Imperial Noble Consort Xu, who enjoyed unwaning favor, became pregnant once more, and rumors that the Emperor—whose desire had never ceased—intended to depose Empress Zhang and elevate Imperial Noble Consort Xu to the position of Empress spread like wildfire.

To outsiders, Zhang Zhiqing receiving the post of Director-General of the Yellow River Conservancy was the Emperor's way of quelling these rumors, showing the world that he had not forgotten the maternal clan that supported his ascent to the throne all those years ago.

But her grandfather did not see it that way. Her grandfather believed that the Emperor acted this way, bestowing this position upon the Zhang family, precisely because he truly intended to depose the Empress, and thus used this post as compensation for the Zhang family.

Her grandfather was the Emperor's teacher, and his judgment would not be wrong. He simply could not understand how an Emperor could yield such a position for such a purpose. The Yellow River overflowed every single year, bringing disaster to hundreds of thousands of people. How immensely important was the Director-General of the Yellow River Conservancy!

Imperial Noble Consort Xu died abruptly, and naturally, the Emperor did not depose the Empress. Yet Zhang Zhiqing still sat in the post of Director-General of the Yellow River Conservancy. The imperial court allocated funds year after year, and the Yellow River flooded year after year.

Everyone knew what was happening, but it was not until now that someone finally stepped forward to deliver the evidence directly into the Emperor's hands.

Jinghu had been lost in thought just a moment ago. Hearing him speak thus, she felt a trace of embarrassment and hurriedly explained, "No, no. It's just that I stood in the sunlight for too long earlier, which is why I felt a bit drowsy."

"It's not that I think Lord Ke's words are tedious; it's simply that they are a bit profound, and I don't fully understand them yet. I need to go back and ponder them properly."

How could she ever think his words were tedious? If he was willing to talk to her, she would listen with relish even if he were reciting the very same prose from just now, or the *Three Character Classic* meant for three-year-olds, and she would seize the chance to sincerely praise how brilliant he was.

A gentle smile touched Ke Mingxu's eyes. "Since you are sleepy, you might as well return to the temporary palace earlier."

Jinghu did not want to leave. "I'm not sleepy, not sleepy at all. I want to stay here a little longer." What she really meant was that she wanted to stay with him a little longer.

***

Yet Ke Mingxu stood up with a smile. "If the little princess is not leaving, then shall I take my leave first?"

Jinghu instantly sprang to her feet. "I am going back too. I spent half the night yesterday preparing a sachet to give to someone, so I should head back and rest for a while."

Jinghu kept her eyes on Ke Mingxu, expecting him to ask whom it was for or why she had worked on it until the middle of the night, but he showed no reaction whatsoever.

She could only comfort herself by thinking that there was nothing strange about girls making sachets to give to one another. So she took the initiative to explain, "It's for my older brother. He heard that I once gave a sachet to Lord Ke, but never made one for him—his own flesh and blood brother—so he's jealous."

"So that's how it is." His tone remained detached, revealing no emotion.

Jinghu felt a bit disheartened. She had thought that either the fact that her third brother knew she had made him a sachet, or the fact that she was making a sachet for someone else, would warrant some reaction from him.

Soon they arrived at the stables.

The horse the Crown Princess had left for her was a Western Regions steed—very tall and imposing. Perhaps sensing that his previous attitude had been somewhat cold, seeing her lead the horse out, Ke Mingxu asked her, "This horse is quite tall and grand; can the little princess manage it?"

She could. Of course she could. But if she were in front of Ke Mingxu, naturally she could not. Surely his implication wasn't that he wanted to share a horse with her?

Yielding to her heart's desire, she shook her head.

Ke Mingxu then led out the most ordinary horse from the shed. "The little princess might as well ride this one. After all, we are only heading up the mountain; there is no need for a fast horse."

Jinghu thought for a moment, but still shook her head. "This horse was left for me by my third sister-in-law. I'd rather ride this one."

"Actually, it's not that I can't manage it; it's just a bit troublesome getting on and off. But if Lord Ke is willing to give me a hand, then naturally it won't be troublesome at all."