Chapter 41: Do Not Cry

"Grandpa... You're awake."

Shen Ruojin sat up abruptly and wiped her face haphazardly, but the tear stains wouldn't come clean, and her sleeves were too dirty, smearing her face until she looked like a little masked cat.

Old General Shen was not yet fully awake, his hazy eyes gazing at the little cat before him. "A year, a full year, and this is the first time little Tenth has come into my dream. Are you... still blaming Grandpa for forcing you to return to the capital and compelling you to marry?"

"No..." Shen Ruojin sat on the carpet. Knowing that her Grandpa was gravely wounded and delirious with illness, she still answered him with utmost sincerity, "Little Tenth has never blamed Grandpa."

Three years ago, the men of the Shen family fell like stars in a single night as they defended the frontier and protected the Emperor and his son. Yet upon returning to the capital, the Emperor negotiated a peace treaty with Xichang, erasing the achievements of the Shen men and handing over the military command of the Western Frontier to someone else, leaving Old General Shen with only fifty thousand of the Shen army.

The most bitter and arduous tasks were always assigned to them, but whenever it came time to issue military pay, they were invariably excluded.

The heroes who died on the battlefield were deliberately forgotten, and the soldiers who fought bitterly for their country were mistreated by parasites.

To this day, the remains of the Shen family's men had not even been fully recovered.

That year, Shen Ruojin was fifteen. Her Grandpa and uncles had her return to the capital ahead of time to prepare for her coming-of-age ceremony. Yet on her journey back, news came from the border that her uncles and elder brothers had fallen in battle.

Clearly, just days before, the Shen army had won a sweeping victory. Xichang had taken the initiative to propose peace negotiations, signed a national pact, and sworn eternal amity between the two countries. Her elder brothers had returned from the battlefield, washing their horses and polishing their swords, laughing and bantering that their eldest brother could finally go home and take a wife, fretting over how, once little Tenth's coming-of-age ceremony was held, the suitors lining up would surely be endless, and wondering what kind of husband they should ultimately choose for her.

Yet in the span of mere days, those vibrant people full of hope for the future became mutilated corpses, some left without even a bone to be found.

Shen Ruojin turned back halfway, returning to the Western Frontier like one gone mad. She walked every inch of the battlefield, turned over countless bodies, and dug her family out from the mountain of corpses and sea of blood one by one.

The Emperor decreed that the Third Princess would go to Xichang for a peace marriage, ceding cities and territory. Peace was established between the two countries, and the Xichang army swaggered across the former lands of Daqi, oppressing Daqi's people, decapitating the father and sons of the Shen family, and taking their skulls back to the Xichang royal city to be displayed as achievements.

Shen Ruojin single-handedly broke into the Xichang royal city to snatch them back. Filled with hatred, she spent the next two years wandering all over Xichang, watching for opportunities to assassinate her enemies, living a life of licking blood from the blade's edge.

It was not until the winter of her seventeenth year, after she successfully assassinated a Xichang general and was hunted by Xichang soldiers, that she narrowly escaped with her life and returned to the Western Frontier, only to be ordered by her Grandpa to return to the capital that very day, never to set foot in the Western Frontier again for the rest of her life.

Shen Ruojin still remembered that day when snow filled the mountains, the entire Western Frontier locked in a thousand miles of ice and ten thousand miles of biting frost.

It was so, so cold.

She knelt in the snow, blood seeping from her various wounds and staining the accumulated snow beneath her.

The Grandpa who doted on her the most let her kneel, saying for the first time in his life that he regretted it. "Perhaps back then, I should never have brought you to the Western Frontier."

Grandpa said, "To die on the battlefield, wrapped in a horse's hide, is the destiny of a military man."

"A young lady is better off peacefully married. These grievances and hatreds, the affairs of country and world, and the slaughter of the battlefield are simply not things a young lady should ever touch."

"Go back. Return to the capital, forget the Shen family, forget your uncles and elder brothers, and consider these past ten years a long dream. Once you wake from the dream, you will return to where you belong. Live well as a noble mansion's young lady, marry a good husband, and from then on assist your husband and raise your children, never touching swords again, and never coming back to the Western Frontier."

At that time, Shen Ruojin did not know what she had done wrong.

She only knew that her family had died in battle, and her Grandpa was driving her back to the capital.

She had no home again.

Shen Ruojin knelt in the snowy night for a whole night, yet could not wait for her Grandpa to relent.

Grandpa was elderly and could not endure anger, so she compromised and obeyed. Sent back to the capital covered in injuries, she wore white robes year after year even within the noble gates of the marquis's estate, in mourning for the Shen family.

Until Pei Jing came looking for her with his mother's keepsake, and she thought—let it be him.

To listen to Grandpa, and to fulfill his mother's wish.

Even on the day of her wedding, when Pei Jing and Murong Wan vanished simultaneously, Shen Ruojin had never blamed her mother or Grandpa.

The world is impermanent, and human hearts are easily changed.

In this under-heaven, who could ever predict anything with certainty?

Shen Ruojin stopped dwelling on the past and tried not to cry, yet tears invariably spilled from her eyes. "Little Tenth only wants Grandpa to be well."

"Little Tenth, don't cry..."

Shen Yi tried to raise his hand to wipe away the tear stains on her face, but lacked even the strength to lift his arm.

He said in a hoarse voice, "It is all Grandpa's fault."

Shen Ruojin cupped Grandpa's hand, pressing her cheek against it as scorching tears fell into his palm.

Gravely wounded, Old General Shen had spoken only these few words before sinking back into a heavy, hazy slumber.

"Grandpa!"

"Grandpa—"

Shen Ruojin called out several times, but received no response.

She could only summon the guards outside the tent to fetch Military Doctor Lu.

Military Doctor Lu arrived swiftly, accompanied by Wei Qingshan and several other confidants of the old general.

Hearing Wei Qingshan say that the Tenth Young Lady of the Shen family was here, the men had initially found it hard to believe, but seeing her in the flesh now, they were simultaneously startled and overjoyed.

Although the Tenth Young Lady had not previously gone to the battlefield, she had been tutored by the various generals of the Shen family since childhood, gathering the strengths of them all, and had even ventured into the Xichang royal city to assassinate Xichang generals. Her martial arts and courage were one in a million.

Shen Ruojin had no heart for pleasantries with them, addressing Military Doctor Lu directly: "Doctor, Grandpa just woke up. Quickly examine him again."

"The Old General suffered such severe wounds, and he woke up already?"

Military Doctor Lu was extremely astonished and hurriedly examined the old general once more.

Given such heavy injuries, waking up this quickly could be considered a miracle.

Whether it was due to the presence of this Tenth Young Lady or not, the old general's pulse was considerably stronger than it had been previously.

Military Doctor Lu quickly administered acupuncture for him once more.

Shen Ruojin and several deputy generals stood guard on the side, waiting until the needles were withdrawn before hearing Military Doctor Lu say:

"Since the Old General has woken once, even if only for a brief moment, it is a good thing. However, within the military camp, medicinal herbs are in short supply..."

"Short supply of herbs? Even the rations and forage are almost exhausted! This time Xichang came with overwhelming momentum, and the Old General sent letters to the Protectorate General's Office for reinforcements long ago. Yet days have passed, and not only have reinforcements failed to arrive, but our supply of rations has also been cut off!"

Several other generals chimed in, "Winter clothing has not been issued either, and after the heavy rain comes wind and snow. How are the soldiers supposed to withstand the cold without winter clothing?"

"Today, it was the Tenth Young Lady who suddenly charged out and wounded the Xichang marshal with an arrow, forcing them to temporarily withdraw their troops. News of his death has not yet spread through the Xichang camp. If the Xichang marshal is not dead, he might issue an order at any moment to march on Luoyue Pass once again!"

"The most urgent task now is to figure out what the people at the Protectorate General's Office are up to! We must obtain rations and winter clothing before we can continue fighting the Xichang people. Even if we are to die, we must die with our stomachs full!"

Old General Shen remained unconscious.

As a deputy general, Wei Qingshan could not leave the camp at this time, so the remaining men argued over who should make the trip to the Protectorate General's Office.

Rations and military supplies were not so easily begged for.

Moreover, during a major battle, letters for reinforcements had been sent, yet the rear had stubbornly failed to dispatch troops.

There was bound to be trickery at play.

This journey might well be a one-way trip.

To die amidst dark schemes and plots was far more grievance-inducing and far less worthwhile than dying on the battlefield.

The generals argued until their faces flushed red, each shouting "If anyone goes, it should be me," sounding more like they were vying to die first.

"Lords, please do not argue any further."

Shen Ruojin looked at Grandpa, who lay unconscious on the sickbed, and interrupted in a hoarse voice, "I will go."