Chapter Nineteen: Never Having Loved Is Also a Regret

In truth, Lin Shuo’s words were not without reason. Sometimes, Xiaoxiao would wonder if things would be different had she stopped back then—perhaps they would. Yet, to have never been nourished or wounded by love in one’s youth is, after all, a regretful thing.

In the days that followed, there was no contact between them. Manager Huang, with feigned nonchalance, inquired about progress several times, and just as he was about to lose his temper, an unfamiliar number appeared on her phone. Only after answering did Xiaoxiao recognize Lin Shuo’s voice—he was indeed a man who drew a clear line between business and personal affairs. He invited her to dinner that evening. Manager Huang, having listened to the entire conversation from the sidelines, smiled with a knowing look and firmly rejected Xiaoxiao’s suggestion to bring a colleague from the business department.

Dinner, as it turned out, was not a simple matter between the two of them, nor did it concern work. When Xiaoxiao entered and saw the table full of familiar faces, Hua Mei stared at her in astonishment, quickly pulling her aside and urging her to leave at once.

“It was Lin Shuo who asked me to come,” Xiaoxiao explained.

“What!” Hua Mei’s eyes widened. “Xiaoxiao, I was worried you two would come to blows at the wedding game, and then there’s the matter with Xi Mintang. Do you really think Lin Shuo is that magnanimous?”

“I’m only here to discuss work. Besides, we’re all adults—we care about our dignity.” She brushed past the topic of Xi Mintang, knowing full well that whatever she let slip would be repeated verbatim to Lin Shuo by Hua Mei. She dared not reveal too much; it was like gambling—never lay your cards on the table when you’re unsure what the other side holds.

“Lin Shuo is here, are you... coming in?” Zeng Ziyu asked awkwardly, glancing at Xiaoxiao.

“Of course.” Having been dragged too far by Hua Mei, Xiaoxiao had to circle around several corners to reach the private room. Across the table, she saw a beautiful woman nestled intimately at Lin Shuo’s side—clearly, not the same one as before. At that moment, Lin Shuo reminded her of the revolving lanterns she had once seen at the ancient town of Guandu: always surrounded by a retinue of women worthy of a painting. In fact, she could no longer recall the faces of the previous two “Shuo girls.” When everyone is more or less the same, none seem especially outstanding.

Hua Mei pressed close to Xiaoxiao, clutching her hand as though afraid she might be hurt. Xiaoxiao shook her off, pulled a company profile and several recent event proposals from her bag, and placed them on the round table. With polite formality, she said, “This is an overview of our company, Mr. Lin, please have a look.” Lin Shuo straightened from his chair, while the lady beside him tactfully busied herself with her crystal nails. Lin Shuo spun the glass lazy Susan, the files drifting toward him. He flipped through them absentmindedly, then spun them right back to Xiaoxiao, saying with perfect composure, “I don’t have a habit of discussing business during dinner.” She suddenly realized she had been played. Lin Shuo had never said tonight was for negotiations, and she had come across as far too eager.

After the dishes were served, the “Shuo girl” coquettishly asked the waiter for plain water. Hua Mei leaned over and whispered, “This is the classic move when meeting a man for the first time—hold back no matter what.” Meeting a man for the first time—Xiaoxiao thought it was an apt description; so this was now the extent of Lin Shuo’s taste. The “Shuo girl” daintily dipped already bland vegetables into the hot water before gingerly placing them into her mouth, as if afraid of hurting the greens, or perhaps of messing up her vivid lipstick—her manner was painfully affected. Hua Mei, long accustomed to such antics, averted her gaze; Xiaoxiao, on the other hand, watched with amazement. When women set their minds to something, they could truly drive others to distraction.

Holding her patience, Xiaoxiao endured the meal. Except for the “Shuo girl,” everyone in the private room was well aware of the history between her and Lin Shuo, and each ate with their own thoughts. Tonight, Lin Shuo barely touched his chopsticks, while Xiaoxiao drank heartily with Hua Mei, who, unable to hold her liquor, soon slumped tipsily into Zeng Ziyu’s arms.

When Loneliness Falls, Don’t Speak of Love
Chapter Nineteen: Never Having Loved Is a Regret
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