Chapter Ninety-Nine: Fear, Because the World Is Not Large Enough
"Someone I know?" Xiao Xiao's heart leapt to her throat. Because of the lawsuit four years ago, she had grown distant from old classmates and friends, and after entering the workforce, she had only sought stability, never investing much time in socializing. Her circle had dwindled, and she quietly counted the people who could fit the description—barely a handful. Who could it possibly be?
Hua Mei seemed intent on keeping her in suspense, turning to ask, "We've known each other for several years now. We're not exactly close, but you would stand by me, wouldn't you?" It was clear Hua Mei desperately wanted her support, making Xiao Xiao uneasy; Hua Mei wouldn't seek an ally unless she was ready to lay her cards on the table.
"Though I haven't married, I know that when two people decide to be together, it's with the intention of growing old side by side. Who doesn't make mistakes? Marriage is said to be a mistake, but a good marriage is simply making the best of it. You are different from him. When a man has been married before, people assume he'll know better how to cherish a wife. But if a woman divorces, she's bound to be judged and gossiped about." Xiao Xiao paused, then answered Hua Mei's question. "Of course, we're close, and I know you're a good person—but that doesn't mean others understand you. Besides, your husband Zeng Ziyu dotes on you. If he were just playing around, would he have stuck with you for years and married you? No matter how attractive other women might be, in the end you are the legitimate wife."
"Is that so?" Hua Mei shook her head. "I used to believe that. If I loved someone so deeply, I would always find excuses for him, and I would be the first to trust him. But things have changed. I'm a woman; I need a sense of security. Deceiving myself might bring temporary peace, but the thorn lodged in my heart hurts so much. My head aches, my heart aches, to the point I feel like vomiting." Suddenly, Hua Mei leaned in and seized Xiao Xiao's hand, pressing it to her own chest, her words tumbling out, "Feel it—it’s racing."
The gesture startled Xiao Xiao, who quickly withdrew her hand. There are as many kinds of women as there are women in the world, each unique, but all have moments of tragedy. Hua Mei was no exception; her misfortune lay in being trapped within herself, unaware. Since meeting Zeng Ziyu, her world had revolved solely around him. She neither worked nor socialized, neglecting her own feelings and life; everything existed only for him. Xiao Xiao had advised her countless times that giving each other space was essential to truly possessing love, but Hua Mei refused to listen. Like a miser clinging to wealth for a sense of security, once the fortune was gone, so too was the will to live. She guarded Zeng Ziyu year after year, believing that wholehearted devotion would inevitably yield unconditional love. But she didn't realize that Zeng Ziyu's world was vast—the sky and sea of Haikou—while hers was confined like a frog at the bottom of a well. He moved forward, battled, sought novelty and excitement, while she waited endlessly for her beloved to open the door so she could take his briefcase and gently say, "You've had a long day." Every day she pondered how to make him happy, often at the cost of her own happiness, and the unchanging routine only drove them further apart.
Xiao Xiao said sincerely, "You're afraid because your world is still too small."
When a marriage fails, both parties bear responsibility; it only depends whose fault weighs heavier. If Zeng Ziyu had truly been unfaithful, he'd be condemned by all. Yet who can say that Hua Mei's stagnation didn't also exacerbate the situation?