Chapter Two: Earnest Nonsense

“Holy crap, there’s actually someone alive here!”

Zhang Xuan was truly startled by the sudden voice. He had always thought he was dreaming, but the dream felt so vivid, so real. Then, all at once, a simple “You’re awake” not only gave him a fright, but also made him feel as though he’d found his long-lost comrades. He wasn’t alone here after all.

Slowly, Zhang Xuan turned his head, nearly in tears. He desperately wanted to ask what godforsaken place this was. In the mighty Celestial Empire, was there still such a backward, rundown place? This wasn’t the moderately prosperous society he’d imagined—let alone a fully developed one. There wasn’t an electric pole in sight. Here, even having enough to eat might be a problem.

No, that can’t be right! Judging by these dilapidated houses, even basic sustenance was a major issue.

As Zhang Xuan’s thoughts ran wild, he finally caught sight of the person who’d spoken. The man was tall and sturdy, clearly trained in martial arts, dressed in a short coarse coat, looking every bit the part of a capable, no-nonsense man. He resembled Guo Jing from a Jin Yong novel upon his first appearance—though older, more like a venerable uncle or perhaps a bodyguard. Either way, he looked like someone formidable.

But as a sensible young man from the twenty-first century, Zhang Xuan didn’t actually expect the man to leap across rooftops or scale walls in a single bound, like some character out of a novel...

While Zhang Xuan was indulging in these fanciful thoughts, the man spoke again.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Are you too frightened, or are you mute? Then again, makes sense. After what you’ve been through at such a young age, anyone would be shaken. I almost thought you were a goner, but here you are, awake and even walking out the door on your own.”

The man rambled on to himself.

Zhang Xuan wanted to interrupt, but thought better of it. Better to listen for now; after all, this was the first person he’d met in this strange place.

“Come here, boy. Let me check your pulse.”

With that, the man took Zhang Xuan’s hand and started to feel his pulse, looking quite professional.

“When I checked your pulse yesterday, it seemed you were on the verge of death. I didn’t hold out much hope. Who’d have guessed you’d survive after all? Seems my treatments yesterday did some good. I’ll have to brag to old Master Hua about this later.”

He continued feeling Zhang Xuan’s pulse for a while before saying, “Not bad. Your body is recovering bit by bit. You really are a miracle...”

But a loud rumble from Zhang Xuan’s stomach cut him off.

Zhang Xuan scratched his head sheepishly. “Sorry, I woke up because I was starving. Is there anything to eat? Give me something first! I don’t have any money, but I can fetch water, wash dishes, serve tea...”

“Stop right there. So you’re not mute after all!”

Hearing this, Zhang Xuan muttered inwardly, “You’re the mute, your whole family’s mute! Who greets someone by calling them names?”

The man pulled something from his coat and handed it to Zhang Xuan.

“Here, you must be starving after all these days. When I found you yesterday, you were barely hanging on—I’d all but given up hope. The gods must be watching over you.”

Zhang Xuan eyed the object—a lump of bread? A cake? A steamed bun? It was blacker than coal, whatever it was. He swallowed nervously, debating whether to take it. But in the end, hunger triumphed over reason—he snatched the thing and took a big bite.

He regretted it instantly.

Still, he was too hungry, so he forced it down.

“What is this? How can anything taste this bad? It’s truly beyond words!”

After finishing, Zhang Xuan felt his stomach churning.

“Beyond words? What does that mean? I’ve read a few books in my time, but I’ve never heard that expression. You’re not insulting me, are you?”

“‘Beyond words’ just means it’s so bad it defies praise—or it can be a polite way to express disapproval. It’s not a new phrase, not some internet slang. How do you not know it?” Zhang Xuan explained earnestly.

“Forget it, as long as you’re not cursing me! I think these cakes are delicious—how can you complain? If I hadn’t pitied you, I wouldn’t have given you one. It’s not like you’ve ever eaten anything better. Judging from your face, this is the first time you’ve even seen such a cake. Complaining? What right do you have to complain? Why don’t you bake one for me and show me how good it can be?”

Zhang Xuan stuffed the so-called cake into his mouth in one go. It tasted awful, but even a mosquito is still meat. Better a miserable life than a noble death, right?

Besides, if the great Ming founder could survive on a bowl of thin soup, surely he could handle this. Still, he missed the taste of instant beef noodles—heck, at this point even the knockoff brands would do, he thought desperately. But in a place where heaven doesn’t respond and earth offers no comfort, such wishes were pointless.

“How did you eat it all in one bite? Didn’t you say it was awful? Pay up then, one cake…”

“Don’t go—eating for free, are you? Well, I suppose you’ve got no money. This place has been picked clean. There’s probably no one left in the village but you. So, what are you planning to do?”

Zhang Xuan stopped walking and looked at the man standing nearby.

“What did you say? I’m the only one left in the village? Where did everyone else go? Did the government relocate them? I knew they wouldn’t abandon such a poor place—they must have moved everyone somewhere better.”

“What is this ‘government’? What do you mean by ‘relocate’? Why do you always say things I don’t understand?”

The man stared at Zhang Xuan, clearly baffled.

Seeing Zhang Xuan’s earnest expression, though, he relented. “Well, what are you going to do next?”

“Me? What can I do?” Zhang Xuan replied, half-mocking himself as he gazed at the unfamiliar world.

“Have you decided? What are you going to do? You can’t stay here any longer. The barbarian raiders have already stripped this village bare. When I arrived yesterday, most of the villagers were either preparing funerals or packing their things to leave. As for you, one of the villagers entrusted you to me—he said your parents died in the raid. I don’t know if that’s true. You fainted from fright and haven’t woken up since... Are you even listening to me?”

The man grew frustrated seeing Zhang Xuan so distracted.

“You said, ‘barbarian raiders’? A raid? My parents died in the raid? Are you kidding me? Sir, it’s the twenty-first century—where are there barbarian raiders now? Don’t you know all fifty-six ethnic groups are one big family? Raids? This isn’t some ancient era of cold steel and endless wars.”

Zhang Xuan looked at the man in utter disbelief.

The man sneered, thinking Zhang Xuan must be addled with fear, not right in the head. Still, his words were strange—could he be some sort of prodigy, so remote that no one had discovered him before?

“Sir, what’s the name of this village?” Zhang Xuan asked.

“The villagers said yesterday it’s called Zhangjia Village. Kid, do you remember your own name? Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your own village and even your own name. If you have, all I can do is pity you.”

Zhang Xuan silently raised his middle finger at the man.

“My name is Zhang Xuan—I do remember it. I’m just confused about where this place really is. By the way, after all this talk, what should I call you, sir?” Zhang Xuan asked helplessly.

“Why do you keep calling me ‘sir’? I’m not that old, am I?”

Zhang Xuan cut him off, saying, “It’s just a title. Why fuss over it? Besides, ‘sir’ just means you look experienced and wise—it’s a term of respect.”

He said this with complete seriousness.