Chapter 114: State of Mind (Part I)

Chapter 114: State of Mind (Part I)

It was after the Hour of the Ox, in the early hours of the morning, when Su Tan'er awoke.

As she opened her eyes, the light was dim and yellow. Outside the window, the night remained silent, yet she could feel no peace. Her mind and body were filled with a chaotic mix of discomfort, restlessness, and unease, though she could not pinpoint the source of this distress. Why did she feel so troubled? Fragments of scenes flashed through her mind: being trapped with no path forward and pursuers behind, things collapsing... Amidst this confusion, the voices of her family reached her.

"The Young Mistress is awake."

It was Xiao Chan’s voice. She recognized it instantly without needing to think. As she struggled to open her eyes and tried to sit up, Xiao Chan gently pressed her back down with the quilt. The young maid didn't use much strength, mostly because Tan'er had none left. Through her hazy vision, she saw the maid’s eyes were red and swollen.

"What time is it?" she asked, her voice rasping in a way that didn't sound like her own.

"The Hour of the Ox is almost over."

"Young Mistress, don't try to get up..."

"I'll go warm the medicine..."

Voices echoed in her ears—Chan’er, Juan’er, Xing’er. It was Ning Yi who had told her the time. He had stayed here as well. Although her mind was still troubled, a warmth spread in her heart. She recalled the earlier events. "Manager Liao and the others..."

"Young Mistress, please, let's not think about those things anymore..." Juan’er, standing by the bed, choked back a sob. Su Tan'er shook her head apologetically, speaking weakly, "I cannot..."

"Manager Liao and the others have already gone back to rest," Ning Yi’s voice sounded from nearby. He then said softly to the maids, "I will speak with her. You go out and help Xing’er."

The two maids nodded and left for the adjoining room to decoct the medicine. When it grew quiet, Su Tan'er’s focus sharpened slightly. Her husband was wearing the same green robe he had worn during the day, sitting on a stool he had pulled over to watch her. His posture was familiar—the same casual tilt of his head, with the calm and steady air of a scholar. Although he was young and lacked a seasoned, grave appearance, he was truly the image of the talented man she had once imagined in her heart.

His talent far surpassed that of many others, yet he was never boastful; his inner depth and quietude possessed a great strength. Su Tan'er had never dwelled on this before. One would assume that being the "Number One Talent" would always create an imposing aura, but at home—including herself and the maids—they had never felt it so deeply. Their interactions had always been relaxed and natural. When others spoke of it, she might have felt proud, and when she first discovered it, she had been startled, but... from beginning to end, they seemed to see only the man himself. From afar, others saw the halo of the top scholar, but those close to him saw only a simple person.

Yet, for some reason, seeing him now, she was suddenly reminded of that halo. He had stayed from the evening until now without rest. Even though he was her husband, she had ultimately burdened him. He was a scholar, and he shouldn't be dragged into these business affairs, yet here he was... She smiled apologetically and was about to speak when Ning Yi held out a piece of pastry.

It was just like their conversations on the second floor. Su Tan'er subconsciously reached for it, but her hands lacked the strength. The pastry circled in the air before he popped it into his own mouth, chewed, took a sip of tea, and swallowed it with a calm expression.

"I can eat these things, but you cannot; you must only drink your medicine."

She wanted to laugh, but the surge of emotion brought a wave of dizziness and fatigue. She felt a sense of helplessness: *Why does he have to try to make me laugh?*

Then she heard Ning Yi say, "And... there are some things I need to discuss with you."

"Hmm?" The weak woman on the bed opened her eyes again, wearily.

***

The charcoal fire was lit, and the medicinal steam began to rise from the clay pot. The three maids stood guard, occasionally glancing at the wall, their eyes filled with worry.

Xiao Chan was slightly better off, but Juan’er and Xing’er were deeply troubled. Their mistress had finally woken, but she was still running a high fever. This long night was, in reality, only the beginning. If the mistress fell ill, the affairs of the Main House would be in jeopardy. They had grown up with her and knew the heart’s blood and sacrifices she had poured into this. She would never willingly step back. They wondered if the Master could persuade her. But even if he succeeded, what would happen to the Main House? Could they just watch all her hard work slip away?

"...What was the Master asking us to do just now?"

"I don't understand it..."

"The Master has that same setup where he does his experiments..."

"But what use could it possibly have?"

"I don't know..."

While brewing the medicine, the three maids whispered their doubts. Earlier, Ning Yi had them use ink lines to create a grid on rice paper, then used ledgers from three years ago to mark things down. Some were place names or the names of the Su family’s shops, but most were strange, crooked symbols—simple vertical lines, circles, half-circles. It was completely incomprehensible. The Master remembered it all so quickly, though he would occasionally frown in thought. Twice, he had called them over to ask why certain expenditures had occurred at specific locations, then noted it down beside the symbols.

The Master wanted to understand the situation of the Su family, but how could this help? No one could figure it out. Over the past year, the Master had seemed kind and learned, but he had never involved himself in business. Now that the entire Su family felt the crisis, and so many managers and stewards with decades of experience were busy, the Master was, after all, just a scholar. Even if he wanted to help, it was likely just the impulsive idealism of a scholar—it wouldn't be of much use. *Specialization is key*, they thought.

"The Master..." Xiao Chan, who was closest to him, said softly, "The Master is very capable..."

She had always known he was capable, a feeling that had only intensified since they had become intimate, but there were limits. Previously, she had wanted the Master to help share the burden primarily to foster closeness between him and the mistress. If he helped, the mistress would be happier. But in business, he surely couldn't replace her. In Xiao Chan’s heart, he was much more capable than the average person, which was already impressive, but to suggest he was better than everyone at everything? Xiao Chan couldn't possibly believe that.

"We know the Master is capable and clever, but he can't be as good at everything as he is at writing poetry..." Juan’er whispered.

"The Master promised he has a way; he wouldn't lie." Xiao Chan could only stubbornly hold onto this belief. Beside them, Xing’er stared at the charcoal fire for a long time, finally reaching up to wipe the corner of her eyes.

"I know the mistress’s temper. If the Master can just convince her to rest and recover, that will be enough." Perhaps because of the pressure, Xing’er, usually the toughest, had shed many tears tonight. Her voice choked, "As long as the mistress is well, even if she doesn't become the head of the family, she is still our mistress, and the Master is still our master. We will still be together... As long as that’s the case, it’s enough..."

Her emotions infected Juan’er and Chan’er. A sorrowful grayness settled over them. As Juan’er sobbed, Chan’er whispered, "The Master will have a way..."

The others nodded, though in truth, perhaps none of them truly believed it.

As long as the mistress was safe, that was all that mattered. As for the rest, they could only leave it to the others in the family—the Old Master, Manager Liao, Manager Xi, the Second Master, the Third Master... With such a large family, surely someone could carry the burden.

***

Inside the bedroom, the oil lamp continued to flicker. Ning Yi sat by the bed, took a sip of tea, and slowly relayed Doctor Sun’s diagnosis.

"It is not a common cold, or rather, it is not just a cold. You know this yourself. I know you are in pain, but if your mind cannot find peace, you cannot solve the problems. And if you cannot solve the problems, you cannot find peace—you are trapped in a dead end. I know my rambling annoys you..."

He paused. Su Tan'er shook her head slightly and opened her mouth, her voice as light as a wisp of smoke caught in the wind: "Husband, I understand... but how can I let it go..." Her expression was despondent.

"Whether you let it go or not is up to you." Ning Yi placed his palm on her forehead. "You cannot discuss much in your current state, so I will simply explain: I have just finished reading the accounts of the Main House from three years ago."

"Hmm?" Su Tan'er looked confused.

"I have just finished reading the accounts of the Main House from three years ago." Ning Yi looked at her quietly and repeated himself. "Father-in-law is not yet out of danger, and neither are you. Grandfather might consider sending someone to take over, but you won't agree to it. However, from now on, you cannot get out of bed. Everything is right here before us, so I will help you. Chan’er, Juan’er, and Xing’er are all here, but there are some things only I can handle on your behalf. This is the only way..."

"I know all your questions, but there is no need to talk much now. Tomorrow, or the day after, when you are clearer, we can discuss it slowly. I also have things I want to talk to you about. But for now, there are only a few points: We have known each other for over a year. I want you to know one thing: when I say I can do something, I can do it. I am very serious about this. As for the current situation, I will help you resolve it."

Su Tan'er gripped his hand, shaking her head with difficulty, a smile threatening to turn into tears: "Husband, this matter... you don't know..."

Ning Yi stopped her from shaking her head, leaning in slightly. "No, I know the nature of these matters. I only said those words because I know. I also want you to know this. Whether you believe me depends on how you view my character and our relationship, but for now, just remember that I said this. That is the most important thing."

"Furthermore, in the coming days, all discussions and handling of affairs will be done in your room. You can listen from the bed, you can watch, or you can think—it doesn't matter. For every decision made, I will tell you the reason. You nod, and then we will execute it. I know you won't let go, and it is impossible to leave you aside, so I won't. I am only reducing the process of your overthinking. You only need to consider whether what I say makes sense... Is that acceptable?"

Su Tan'er closed her eyes. After a long while, a tear slid down from the corner of her eye. Ning Yi softened his tone.

"The Su family has not yet reached the point of ruin, and the other side has not yet made their move. You need to prepare to drink your medicine and think less. Just remember what I said—I said I would solve it, and I will. Then, get a good night's sleep. At least for now, put your mind at ease. The family will be fine because I am here. Hmm?"

Su Tan'er, eyes closed, nodded.

"Good. We have an agreement."

Ning Yi leaned back and took a sip of tea. A moment later, Su Tan'er opened her eyes. "Husband, I feel much better..."

"You businesspeople have no persuasive power at all." Ning Yi pursed his lips and shook his head to show he didn't believe her.

Su Tan'er smiled slightly, though another wave of dizziness washed over her.

Soon, Xing’er, Juan’er, and Chan’er brought in the medicine bowl. They helped her sit up to finish it. Under their concerned gazes, she finally drifted into a deep sleep. Just before falling asleep, she murmured, "Husband, you should rest too..."

"I know."

She woke up once in the middle of the night. The sky was beginning to brighten. Xiao Chan was dozing off in a chair nearby. That figure was still sitting at the table by the window, not knowing what he was writing. She closed her eyes again and drifted back to sleep. Perhaps because of that silhouette, her heart felt a little more at peace this time...