Chapter 47: The Flavor of Bygone Days

The beautiful bowls and dishes were taken out of the basket, and a wedge of century egg, its edge dipped in a bright red sauce, made a striking contrast of crimson and black. Nie Yunzhu was just placing the small dish on the counter when she caught sight of the two men on the other side. She blinked, a hint of confusion flickering across her face, but after a moment, as if recalling something, the smile faded from her lips. She bowed slightly and turned her head away, continuing to set out the century eggs.

"Then… little brother, please take care of this. If you run short of any sauces, just come and help yourself..."

By now, Gu Yanzhen had approached the counter, a look of puzzlement clouding his features. He watched her work, and the attendant, sensing something amiss, hesitated to come over and inquire what Gu Yanzhen required. Once she had gently entrusted the matter to the attendant, Nie Yunzhu tidied up her bamboo basket, then smiled and nodded to him. "Young Master Gu."

"Yun... Zhu?" Gu Yanzhen glanced at the century eggs. "Why are you... why are you out here selling these things?"

"Is there anything wrong with that?" Nie Yunzhu replied, gathering her things as she prepared to leave, a slight crease appearing between her brows.

Gu Yanzhen followed after her, struggling with his words. For a while, he hesitated, finally drawing a breath to steady himself.

"I—when I returned from the capital, I went to Golden Breeze Pavilion to find you, only to learn you were no longer there. I asked after your whereabouts, but they would not say, just that you had found a good place in life, and I was happy for you. But now… how can it be like this? You’re out here, making a public display of yourself, selling things in the street?"

The street bustled with passersby as Nie Yunzhu walked with her head bowed. She considered his words, then smiled gently. "Thank you for your concern, Young Master. Though I show my face in public now, I am simply earning my living by my own hands—there is nothing improper in that. Compared to my former life, my heart has finally found its place. There’s no need for you to worry… Ah, your friend is still waiting inside. You should go back soon."

Gu Yanzhen sighed, shaking his head in distress. "No matter… That man just now was Shen Miao—Shen Zishan. You met him a few times before, did you not recognize him?" Nie Yunzhu kept her head lowered, her face unreadable. He chuckled. "Well, it’s no surprise. Dressed as you are now, he didn’t recognize you either..."

Nie Yunzhu continued walking with her head down, and Gu Yanzhen could only follow along, not knowing what to say. He rambled on, recounting old memories. "…I still remember that year on Egret Isle, when your zither playing astounded everyone. I said at the time… When the courtesan contest was held, I thought surely you would outshine all others, but you didn’t even care to compete. Only then did I realize how indifferent your heart was to such things… When I left, I wanted to tell you how I felt, but in the end, it was only a few polite words… Yet in the capital, I thought of you every day…"

Lost in his memories, his emotions surged, years of longing spilling out in a rush. After the last words, he reached out to take her hand. But perhaps because Nie Yunzhu was new to business, yet well-versed in such advances, she immediately stepped aside with a frown, putting distance between them.

Gu Yanzhen paused in surprise. Nie Yunzhu glanced at him, frowning but silent. After a long moment, she finally managed a smile and offered a respectful curtsey.

"Yunzhu… your surname is Nie."

"Hmm?" Gu Yanzhen hesitated, then asked, "Is that… your husband’s surname now?"

Nie Yunzhu shook her head. "My father’s surname is Nie. When I fell into that life before, entertaining with beauty, I refused to sell even my family name at the end, so I used only Yunzhu. In Golden Breeze Pavilion, I never told anyone my surname. Now that I’ve finally redeemed myself, I can reclaim my full name… Young Master, you once favored me, and I was grateful. If you truly remember such a woman, let it be Nie Yunzhu—not Yunzhu, the famed courtesan of Golden Breeze Pavilion."

Throughout these words, her smile never wavered—gentle yet self-assured, always maintaining a certain distance. Gu Yanzhen understood her meaning. "You… you blame me for remembering only the woman you were in that life… but—"

"There’s no blame," she replied. "In those days, I was indeed caught in that world—singing, playing music, entertaining with beauty. That was how it was. You truly cared for me, and I am grateful, so I wish you to know: though I must now show my face in public, my heart is at ease, far happier than I ever was in Golden Breeze Pavilion. There’s no need for concern." She bowed again. "I have other matters to attend to. I’ll take my leave, Young Master."

She had another delivery of century eggs to make to a restaurant, and she thought of it now. This was a hard-won opportunity, and she dared not be late. As for Gu Yanzhen… she had met many scholars and men of talent in her past—some who fancied themselves charming and were favored by women. Gu Yanzhen had been among the most outstanding, his bearing and learning winning him the admiration of many. Now, to her, he was little more than an ordinary man, though with a slightly deeper impression.

She recalled he had once gone to the capital for the examinations, and not long after, she had redeemed herself. Meeting again now was a surprise, but nothing more. There would be many more such meetings in life; it was not remarkable.

The tales of the courtesan from Golden Breeze Pavilion held little charm or nobility in her heart—nothing to be celebrated or sung about. In the eyes of scholars, perhaps a poetry gathering or a romantic affair with a famed courtesan was a mark of high achievement, something to boast about. But for her, it was merely a time when a woman endured each uncertain day, full of anxiety—a sad chapter, nothing more.

After leaving the government brothel, she had to accept her fate as a courtesan. Fortunately, her skills in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting gave her a small advantage. She worked hard to display herself, learning how to attract attention without resorting to vulgar means, hinting that their poetry and music were refined pursuits. Even after gaining some fame, she lived in constant fear—afraid that one day, something would go wrong and a powerful man would force himself upon her. No title of "famed courtesan" or "great lady" could protect her. Constraints and checks abounded—she dared not let her reputation grow too bright, lest she become a tool for men to display their charm.

In Golden Breeze Pavilion, few women could truly protect their own bodies. Those who insisted on chastity were rarely successful—many were drugged, tied up, beaten, and tortured. Few had the courage to end their own lives, and even those usually failed to change anything. Some, though celebrated as "pure" performers, were eventually forced by the powerful. Who could truly shield them then?

The most frightening thing was that even the fiercest resisters gradually became numb, began to chat, learned to live that life, and eventually boasted to other women about the men they’d met. She spent every day fearing that this would be her fate. Or, like a handful of others, she might kill herself. Or go mad. Once she lost all worth, she’d be thrown out, becoming a beggar, running naked through the streets, not surviving the winter—her body left to rot.

Gu Yanzhen might look back fondly on those days, but for her, there was nothing to cherish. She felt a flicker of annoyance, though she knew it wasn’t his fault. As Li Heng had said not long ago, to be remembered by someone is, in the end, a good thing. His intentions were kind, so she should smile and thank him, and let him understand. Of course, he probably misunderstood what she meant by "found a place" and thought she’d married.

She made her way to Cui Ping Restaurant with the century eggs, aware that Gu Yanzhen watched from across the street. This troubled her slightly, but there was nothing to be done. "I thought of you every day in the capital…" What he imagined, what they all imagined, was the Yunzhu who smiled, played the zither, sang, or danced to please others. It was not their fault—she could not be angry, only feel troubled.

For years now, she sometimes played or sang for her own amusement, but she had truly resolved that from now on, she would no longer use these skills or smiles to please others. No matter what Gu Yanzhen said, if she did not play, sing, or recite poetry, or praise the talents of scholars, what was there to say? Yet, thinking this, she could not help but recall an exception…

Only now did she realize how firm she’d been when making that decision, but just last year, when Li Heng asked about music, she hadn’t hesitated to joke about "how many stories high," and later played and composed for him. Several times, when he listened to "Rain in the Temple" or "Farewell at the Pavilion," she found herself wishing she could perform more for him. She wanted to tell him she could sing other songs even better, that her other compositions might please him more. When he once said he disliked monotonous music, she’d felt a twinge of irritation—a little urge to show off, to say, "If I sing it, it won’t be like that."

Deep down, she understood: just as he hadn’t flaunted his scholarly talents before her, she hadn’t displayed her old skills either—not because of past shadows, but simply because it hadn’t come up. If he truly wanted to hear her play, she would gladly perform, and would never feel it was anything like her days in Golden Breeze Pavilion.

She recalled what Walnut had said to her a few days ago, and realized this feeling in her heart was unlikely to change.

Carrying her basket, she smiled faintly as she returned to the street stall. Walnut hurried over, thinking she was pleased about the century eggs.

"Miss, you’ll sell a lot today, won’t you?"

"Yes, the quota of thirty won’t be a problem." Yet… it seemed to have nothing to do with Li Heng, for he usually didn’t mingle with these scholars. She puzzled over this, then glanced around—Gu Yanzhen was no longer following.

"Miss, what are you looking at?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Nothing at all…"

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Elsewhere, Gu Yanzhen returned upstairs to the restaurant to meet Shen Zishan, his expression complicated.

"Zishan, what is De Xin’s connection with that stall selling century eggs—do you know?"